Miss Phish.

Woe is me.
Oi i said "Woe is me" is nobody listening!
Tsk Tsk, i dunno i nearly died last week and nobody even noticed, what has a girl gotta do to get noticed round here?

Well anyhow I'm back now so sit up straight and no picking your nose while I'm talking, that goes for you Undi Wearus.

I was talking to a student in my class the other day about uniforms, i suggested a nice tartan plaid with a symbol of the bagpipes slightly squiffy over the right side lapel, well you would have thought i had asked for a gin and tonic in an AA meeting.
The student asked why i would suggest such a thing! i dunno i replied but i have always wanted to be Scottish, silly moo, we don't have to have reasons for wanting things, do we.

When i was training under the President of the United states of America [i cant tell you which one as i would then have to kill you if i did] i asked him if all peanuts grew on tree's he replied, "yes mam they surely do" now there is times in my life when questions are better left unanswered, and i think that was one of them.

I was in a competition this week for a vintage cushion cover, we all had to tell a joke and the best joke would win the coveted cushion, i told one or two of my mostest funniest ones and i just knew i was gunna win. Knowing that NOBODY was better than me at anything, i humbly asked the generous Miss Phish [who was running the Compo] to allow someone else to win the old cushion [i didn't want it anyhow Miss Phish, so there*sticking tongue out] she was adamant that i should win just because my brilliance should be shared with the whole world, but i refused and said, "No allow some other poor less fortunate person win the accolade".
So miss Twinny goodie two shoes won it..................... with a *notatallfunnyjoke* about a pig and a flick knife, i ask you, i'v never heard anything so silly, [I'M NOT BITTER].
Boysmum3 played a corker and others like Bloomin Myrtle were just plain silly, Lastic kec's was not at all funny and Trixietreacle well i wont comment for fear of reprisals, Ellieweb's needed work and i cant remember Sandie's at all so it must have been Boooorrrring, lol, still its only a silly competition and I'M NOT BITTER.

Rare Dickensian Pictures.

I thought that would get your attention, Lol.

I found these up in the attic the other day, there is a set of 4, they look like Pickwick Character's but I'm not 100% sure? so i had this brainwave, stick them on your bloggie blog blog and see if there are any intelligent peoples out in the land of blog.

So is anyone up for a bit of erm, whats the word I'm searching for, hysteric's? no, Historionicks no [that's so silly], is there anyone who may have an inkling what they are?

Fanxs.

Home on the Range

*Sings*Home, home on the range, where the dog and the Tortoise roam..............

Morning all you caught me swanning about on the *Homestead* taking note of all the wonders that surround me, I notice Mr Tortie is doing a mean looking "dead man impersonation" Morning Mr Tortie, He must have the hump as he ignores me, lol

Ah, look that is the Fagusbuttus, bet you don't see many of them round any more, its a rare old sight on this piece of ground.

The Foothills of Essex are stronger now that this piece of timber has been planted, gorgeousness is its name and it will be even lovelier when its finished.

Just a small look into my ever decreasing garden and there would have been more but the Blimmin Post kept getting lost........... so you all get the abridged version and i cant be bothered to do it all again for the millionth time............ I dont have a time machine ya know and if i did i wouldnt be writing this now would i!!!!

Anyhow im off to look at the garden of Essex and to plant a few mor weeds..................

Toodlepipus.....................

Mutter................mutter....................mutter.........silly blimmin thing....................cheesed off now......where is the distructions for this blimmin thingy ................. mutter ..........mutter.......... mutter...................................

Dun dun dunnnnnnnn

Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
The winner is

Elaine............................ *Clapping*

Shall i sent you some weak suvven tea oop to yeh luve, or are thy happy wit the Norvvern muck thoust dust have oop thererr ? Lol.


Well done BM, I think it was the thousand Emails that did it for you, [tbh it had your name on it but i had to at least look like i was offering it to the others...........but dont tell em like, wilt yea luv].

From saff to norf a chicken did went,
Eventually, if i bother to send,
The caddy known as Rita,
Oh, i do hope ya keep er,
As wood does go she aint to bad,
It belonged, thy know to my mam and dad,
The varnish is a bit shabby,
on this little ol caddy.

But never mind cos its yours now and iv got rid of it and have no more responsabilty of it, so have it, and enjoy it, and i hope it turns you norvverners into sovverner tea drinkers.........

Love and hugs.............for a very special lady. X

[phew now what can i drag outa the bin to send off to this lot of mugs]

Chookie wasit fingy........

What with all the chicken talk on SC recently, I thought it would be a great idea to get rid of this piece of obshadark.

There are many people who have a healthy obsession with these chooks....... they are normal everyday people.... no they are really........ who, to give them there due, would not normally indulge in obsessive objetark such as this little minx of a caddie thingy, but I am going to try and seduce them into believing they are on to a good thing with this piece of cra..........crud..........c......lovely woody thingy.

I would have you all believe that this beautiful, 3rd century Roman relic is the epitome of its class, its lushness could not be compared to anything you would have seen in any other place at any other time, we need to keep these chookie things part of our heritage and not let them fall into the hands of.................................... the superpowers that will want to destroy us all while we sleep....................oops sorry where was I? Oh yeah into the hands of dealers who will just want it for its monetary value and not for its decadence.

So it is with great pleasure that I offer it to the world of *Chookers* on the wibbly wobbly webbly Thingy.

Leave a comment in the comment box and I will get back to you....... if I can be bothered [yawn] ......... later with the result of who wins this piece of Objuxtart.

S'classic init..............go on you know you WANT it...........Look into my eye's......watch the thing on the end of the stringy thingy............you will have a hankering for a CHEAP OLD CHICKEN BOXY THINGY....................... you will plead with Shabby angel to give it to you...........you will wake feeling refreshed and want to give all your possessions to me and all your Vintage lace to lastic Kec's all your other stuff to Treacle..................BM will give me all her Rabbits...........Pipkin will give me all her button hearts..............Debbie will do all my house up next weekend.......... CTC will give me all her Leathers.......Claire will make me copious amounts of soup..............Diydeb will do my every bidding............................... Sharie....erm...... You can make the coffee..............I AM SO CHEAP.................lol............LOL.....................HAHAHAHAHA.........Insane LAUGHTER............

Flippin Flu.

I have got the blimmin Flu, and I'm sure that Bloomin Myrtle gave it to me, she confessed to me today that she has been sneezing all over Her tappie, so now I'm suffering the worse case of flu ever, no one has ever had such a bad case, they have quarantined my sofa, I have had the world crisis people in they are amazed I'm still lingering on, if you saw me you would call a priest, then the undertakers.
I have heard that poor trickle trish has had it to, though nowhere near as bad as me, obviously.
I have been taking the new drug Paracetamol, I think I am the first one to be on it, I'm trialing it, so thank me if it works, I'm only doing this for the greater good you know, and only under strict medical supervision, apparently the Doctors are waiting with bated breath to see whether I will survive the ordeal.
Lazy lacy has been lazing about all week doing nothing, I have tried talking to her but she just wont listen, she had a man come in and do a bit with a couple of chairs and a table, they were ok, nothing to shout about, but she has told everyone that its all her own work! we can see right through you lacykec's you cant fool us you know.
I must rest now as I am waning, I shall be thinking of you all, and watching for your sympathy cards to start falling on my mat......................gough.........splutter..........gasp..........sneeze, Oh my goodness, now I will have to clean that screen...........................tomorrow.

Part two [Yawn]

Morning you two, said Trixielips, where are you off to? we are going to the sales, wanna come with us.

Hello, said Pipkin, we were going off to dungelms, Bloomin says there is a load of gingham fabric in today, so we wanted to get some to make more bunnies, puppies and boots.

Ok, lackie said, we will come with you, but you must remember not to push and shove Bloomin you can get a bit carried away.

Oooh, eck Ya riht ya know, aye can at that my lovie, aye can at that.

Why are you speaking like that Bloomin, said Pipkin!

Dunno said Bloomin, I thought because I'm from Yorkshire I had to! [reads script again].

Ahem, Oh dear you are so right, one can get a tad over zealous when perusing the merchandise, cant one.

Why are you now talking all posh, said Pipkin, puzzled!

It Say's here [looking at script again] speaks in nice accent, posh is a nice accent isn't it?

Yeah said Pipkin, but that's all "Joanna Lubblyish" and it really is not you, Bloomin.......................

Cut, says the director, Come on Girls, get away from the mobile canteen, Lackie put that sausage sarnie back you have had three this morning, Trixie get your eye of that young man's booty, get back to work the pair of you.

Take Two.............................. and ...................action, said the director.............................

Ok, Lackie said, we will come with you, but you must remember not to push and shove Bloomin, you can get a bit carried away.

Ok, said Bloomin, umf.

Just as the girls got to Dungelms, Lackie got all excited, Look Look, It says, Knobs two for a pound, that's a bargain must go and look, hold on said trixie I just remembered we have all forgotten today is an important day, how could we all forget!

Forget what said Pipkin and Bloomin in unison, Oh No said Luckynicks Its Mollymops Birthday today, how could we have forgotten, quick lets all go get her a pressie.

CUT.............Said the director, that's not in the script, what if people look on this bloggie blog blog tomorrow, it wont be Mollymops Birthday then will it.

All the girls looked at the director and scowled, don't be silly Director person, when Mollymops knows she is in this scene she WILL come in and leave a comment and then we will be Famous, think of the ratings.

Just then they hear an sound that sends Chills down each of their spines......................

Coooeeeee you lot what are you all doing here?

Bloomin, Pipkin, Trixielips, and Lasticnicks, look round in horror.

What are you all doing here?

All looking flushed and shocked they replied Hello..............................................................