It is very much a case of shabby meets chic.
There I am in me black size 20 M&S bestest T-shirt, [that was dragged out of the tumble dryer, creased and very nearly dry].
I descended on me mate Sharon [Shazza] for our weekly get together to make suffink gorgeous. On arrival, I was met with the usual snog [on both cheeks] only to be asked.... “are you wearing aftershave Ang?” ...........bloomin eck........ Me!..... aftershave! .......As if…. Thinking back to the two bottles sitting on top the old mans all to cluttered bedside table….. erm .....I think it is D&G for women, ….. but secretly not knowing I may have picked up the wrong bottle?
Now remember that I have had a very quick bath and rushed out of the house with last weeks knickers hanging out of the bottom of me jeans...... hair soaking wet and no make-up, [never wear it anymore, well, the last thing I need is to be called up by the clown association again, and asked if I would be their "Face for Clowns anonymous"… no honest this has happened, believe me it has!]....... anyhow........... off I trundle in the car that has been in need of a wash and blow dry at the local "Tesco stitch you up for all your money while we take over the world….Mwahhhhhhhahahaha” stores. I get to the house Half hour late, and I'm dying for a cuppa coffee, only to be asked if I have got men's aftershave on!………. Bugger..... I do hope not.
Now me mate Shazza always makes people feel good about themselves, she will go out of her way to make you feel comfortable within your own body…… well that’s how she makes others feel, Me, I always feel like the poor relation, she don’t do it deliberately but her bluntness makes me squirm, like today, coming in stinking of aftershave she asks, while your hairs wet, lets cut it off! ........See in her mind she is making it all better?..... to me, she has seen the hastily half-washed out conditioner, that is shouting from my head “PLEASE RE-RINSE ME”..... she has an inner knowledge off whats wrong with me! maybe because i am always asking .... “whats wrong with me?????”……wail.
So out come the shears and off comes me, over frizzed, over heated, totally awful, neglected hair , within two minutes of the scissors coming out something else had come in and taken her mind away from and off my coiffure! fearing for the safety of my ears I grip the sides of the chair and stay perfectly still, After what seems like an age of her gesticulating with comb and scissors......... her focus is back on me barnet…..Phew.............. Thank God…..
Shazza is a Gorgeous Sleek woman who has Ghoochi Eyes, when she crys, Diamonds tears cascade down her cheeks, while grime drips from mine. She has a solid gold spoon shoved up her nostril ..........unlike the McDonalds plassie one I have shoved up mine.
She knows the difference between Harrods and Harry's corner shop, she is a woman who has traveled further than Saffend, she has danced on sandy beaches in in warm humid country's with tall drinks that hold passion and suffistication. while the only dance I have done was the “Boots up side your head” at me sisters wedding in 1984.
Can you see, there is a pattern emerging now, aint there?
Don’t get me wrong I would never change shazza for the world, [and not just because cant afford a real hairdresser] she is always there for me and holds me up when I fall, she has been a real rock in the foundations of my semi detached council house lifestyle.
There are few people on this earth that you really gel with, me and shazza are super glued in the life of cruel friendships.
Now where is that sticky stuff remover.......................... *smile*