Thursday, 30 April 2009

Shazza and me....

It is very much a case of shabby meets chic.

There I am in me black size 20 M&S bestest T-shirt, [that was dragged out of the tumble dryer, creased and very nearly dry].
I descended on me mate Sharon [Shazza] for our weekly get together to make suffink gorgeous. On arrival, I was met with the usual snog [on both cheeks] only to be asked.... “are you wearing aftershave Ang?” ...........bloomin eck........ Me!..... aftershave! .......As if…. Thinking back to the two bottles sitting on top the old mans all to cluttered bedside table….. erm .....I think it is D&G for women, ….. but secretly not knowing I may have picked up the wrong bottle?

Now remember that I have had a very quick bath and rushed out of the house with last weeks knickers hanging out of the bottom of me jeans...... hair soaking wet and no make-up, [never wear it anymore, well, the last thing I need is to be called up by the clown association again, and asked if I would be their "Face for Clowns anonymous"… no honest this has happened, believe me it has!]....... anyhow........... off I trundle in the car that has been in need of a wash and blow dry at the local "Tesco stitch you up for all your money while we take over the world….Mwahhhhhhhahahaha” stores. I get to the house Half hour late, and I'm dying for a cuppa coffee, only to be asked if I have got men's aftershave on!………. Bugger..... I do hope not.

Now me mate Shazza always makes people feel good about themselves, she will go out of her way to make you feel comfortable within your own body…… well that’s how she makes others feel, Me, I always feel like the poor relation, she don’t do it deliberately but her bluntness makes me squirm, like today, coming in stinking of aftershave she asks, while your hairs wet, lets cut it off! ........See in her mind she is making it all better?..... to me, she has seen the hastily half-washed out conditioner, that is shouting from my head “PLEASE RE-RINSE ME”..... she has an inner knowledge off whats wrong with me! maybe because i am always asking .... “whats wrong with me?????”……wail.

So out come the shears and off comes me, over frizzed, over heated, totally awful, neglected hair , within two minutes of the scissors coming out something else had come in and taken her mind away from and off my coiffure! fearing for the safety of my ears I grip the sides of the chair and stay perfectly still, After what seems like an age of her gesticulating with comb and scissors......... her focus is back on me barnet…..Phew.............. Thank God…..
Shazza is a Gorgeous Sleek woman who has Ghoochi Eyes, when she crys, Diamonds tears cascade down her cheeks, while grime drips from mine. She has a solid gold spoon shoved up her nostril ..........unlike the McDonalds plassie one I have shoved up mine.

She knows the difference between Harrods and Harry's corner shop, she is a woman who has traveled further than Saffend, she has danced on sandy beaches in in warm humid country's with tall drinks that hold passion and suffistication. while the only dance I have done was the “Boots up side your head” at me sisters wedding in 1984.
Can you see, there is a pattern emerging now, aint there?

Don’t get me wrong I would never change shazza for the world, [and not just because cant afford a real hairdresser] she is always there for me and holds me up when I fall, she has been a real rock in the foundations of my semi detached council house lifestyle.

There are few people on this earth that you really gel with, me and shazza are super glued in the life of cruel friendships.

Now where is that sticky stuff remover.......................... *smile*


Eclectic Pink Rose said...

You have me laughing so hard right now my sides hurt!!! I'm sure you were splendid even in after-shave!! Have a wonderful evening, you've made my day.
♥ Teresa

Elaine said...

I come from a generation when teenage girls wore Brut, so what's wrong with a bit of D&G mens foofoo????

Love you Angel, aftershave, frizzy hair and all xxxxxxx

Love and blessings

Todays word *Glizi*
Quite fitting for a new hair do methinks *wink*

Sue at Dollytub Cottage said...

I was laughing so much I've spilt me cocoa. Oh, please send her round to my house to tidy my hair! Shazza must be VERY sophisticated if she can spot a man's aftershave so quickly!SueX

angel said...

EPR.. I was splendid... NOT

Elaine, i had forgotted about Brut! used Charlie myself, but only after 3 years of au de toilet... no not the perfum... it was the little brick under the rim, i think it was calle Blo-loo? hahaha.:-)
Dollutub, [great name] I will have to remember the VERY Soffisticated bit, next week when i visit Shazza towers...... lol... wish i had thought of that... :-)

Sue at Dollytub Cottage said...

Are you sure David t's coming to your house, I bet he's going to Legover-Linda's. Aye up me duck (Lincolnshire term of endearment.) Your contact yahoo link's not working. Talking of perfume - it's reminded me about a true story of how my sister embarrassed us when we were out on the razz on night. SueX

Lace hearts said...

You are just too much - you can't possibly make it all up, which means you must be hilarious. I love love love the image of you squirting on a good blast of aftershave every morning before facing the big bad world.
Oh dear, gonna have to tell the kiddies that Aunty Angel wears the stuff. Mwah thank you for the giggles mwah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx thought I'm dead jealous of Shaz xxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lace hearts said...

Oh dang it... you see, here's the rub. I was just mentioning, just casually like, that you had a bottle of aftershave a day habit to a couple of the mums at the school gate - you know how it is, just idle chatter, and just a couple, certainly no more than 5 or 6, cos I'd been giggling away and I had to share and then the children came out and asked what I was laughing about and one of the mums said aftershave on an angel you see, and it sort of spiralled from there and I think they sort of um know cos I hadn't seen your answer before you see so I didn't know it was a SECRET. Um, so, yeah, they're cool with it.
Cough. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x
So, um, am I forgivended. ? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx mwah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx They love the thought of Aunty afterangelshave, btw. Honest. xxxxxxxxxxx

Anonymous said...

Wonderful post!

"She has a solid gold spoon shoved up her nostril ........" but she knows and we do too that you are PURE gold!


""Tesco stitch you up for all your money while we take over the world….Mwahhhhhhhahahaha stores

Would love to see that slogan on huge billboards.


Lace hearts said...

s'okay... not a word passed my lips. I was lying, innit. You is safe. They won't back away should they ever meet ya. Have a fragrant day. Mwah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx hope you poured the whole bottle on this time. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
word today is bonking, I kid you not! LOL.

shabbygirlmosaics said...

That's hillarious! You ever thought of writing a book? Or maybe you have done so already. It would make great reading, you really cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh.
PS, don't sell yourself short, I bet you're gorgeous!!

sharie said...

LOL Angel I enjoyed that. Fancy coming to the creative writing class with me?

Errrr, confession here. I went out with the dh one day and my knickers dropped out my pants leg. The elastic hadn't gone they were the previous days - I'd changed my nic naks but not my trousers.
The dh was shocked, said I was weird. Its only took him 18 years to find out so I think he is weirder than me.

Elaine said...

Aherrrrmmmmm. You have an award missus!!!!!!!!

todays word "trand"