Home on the Range

*Sings*Home, home on the range, where the dog and the Tortoise roam..............

Morning all you caught me swanning about on the *Homestead* taking note of all the wonders that surround me, I notice Mr Tortie is doing a mean looking "dead man impersonation" Morning Mr Tortie, He must have the hump as he ignores me, lol

Ah, look that is the Fagusbuttus, bet you don't see many of them round any more, its a rare old sight on this piece of ground.

The Foothills of Essex are stronger now that this piece of timber has been planted, gorgeousness is its name and it will be even lovelier when its finished.

Just a small look into my ever decreasing garden and there would have been more but the Blimmin Post kept getting lost........... so you all get the abridged version and i cant be bothered to do it all again for the millionth time............ I dont have a time machine ya know and if i did i wouldnt be writing this now would i!!!!

Anyhow im off to look at the garden of Essex and to plant a few mor weeds..................

Toodlepipus.....................

Mutter................mutter....................mutter.........silly blimmin thing....................cheesed off now......where is the distructions for this blimmin thingy ................. mutter ..........mutter.......... mutter...................................

Dun dun dunnnnnnnn

Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
The winner is

Elaine............................ *Clapping*

Shall i sent you some weak suvven tea oop to yeh luve, or are thy happy wit the Norvvern muck thoust dust have oop thererr ? Lol.


Well done BM, I think it was the thousand Emails that did it for you, [tbh it had your name on it but i had to at least look like i was offering it to the others...........but dont tell em like, wilt yea luv].

From saff to norf a chicken did went,
Eventually, if i bother to send,
The caddy known as Rita,
Oh, i do hope ya keep er,
As wood does go she aint to bad,
It belonged, thy know to my mam and dad,
The varnish is a bit shabby,
on this little ol caddy.

But never mind cos its yours now and iv got rid of it and have no more responsabilty of it, so have it, and enjoy it, and i hope it turns you norvverners into sovverner tea drinkers.........

Love and hugs.............for a very special lady. X

[phew now what can i drag outa the bin to send off to this lot of mugs]

Chookie wasit fingy........

What with all the chicken talk on SC recently, I thought it would be a great idea to get rid of this piece of obshadark.

There are many people who have a healthy obsession with these chooks....... they are normal everyday people.... no they are really........ who, to give them there due, would not normally indulge in obsessive objetark such as this little minx of a caddie thingy, but I am going to try and seduce them into believing they are on to a good thing with this piece of cra..........crud..........c......lovely woody thingy.

I would have you all believe that this beautiful, 3rd century Roman relic is the epitome of its class, its lushness could not be compared to anything you would have seen in any other place at any other time, we need to keep these chookie things part of our heritage and not let them fall into the hands of.................................... the superpowers that will want to destroy us all while we sleep....................oops sorry where was I? Oh yeah into the hands of dealers who will just want it for its monetary value and not for its decadence.

So it is with great pleasure that I offer it to the world of *Chookers* on the wibbly wobbly webbly Thingy.

Leave a comment in the comment box and I will get back to you....... if I can be bothered [yawn] ......... later with the result of who wins this piece of Objuxtart.

S'classic init..............go on you know you WANT it...........Look into my eye's......watch the thing on the end of the stringy thingy............you will have a hankering for a CHEAP OLD CHICKEN BOXY THINGY....................... you will plead with Shabby angel to give it to you...........you will wake feeling refreshed and want to give all your possessions to me and all your Vintage lace to lastic Kec's all your other stuff to Treacle..................BM will give me all her Rabbits...........Pipkin will give me all her button hearts..............Debbie will do all my house up next weekend.......... CTC will give me all her Leathers.......Claire will make me copious amounts of soup..............Diydeb will do my every bidding............................... Sharie....erm...... You can make the coffee..............I AM SO CHEAP.................lol............LOL.....................HAHAHAHAHA.........Insane LAUGHTER............

Flippin Flu.

I have got the blimmin Flu, and I'm sure that Bloomin Myrtle gave it to me, she confessed to me today that she has been sneezing all over Her tappie, so now I'm suffering the worse case of flu ever, no one has ever had such a bad case, they have quarantined my sofa, I have had the world crisis people in they are amazed I'm still lingering on, if you saw me you would call a priest, then the undertakers.
I have heard that poor trickle trish has had it to, though nowhere near as bad as me, obviously.
I have been taking the new drug Paracetamol, I think I am the first one to be on it, I'm trialing it, so thank me if it works, I'm only doing this for the greater good you know, and only under strict medical supervision, apparently the Doctors are waiting with bated breath to see whether I will survive the ordeal.
Lazy lacy has been lazing about all week doing nothing, I have tried talking to her but she just wont listen, she had a man come in and do a bit with a couple of chairs and a table, they were ok, nothing to shout about, but she has told everyone that its all her own work! we can see right through you lacykec's you cant fool us you know.
I must rest now as I am waning, I shall be thinking of you all, and watching for your sympathy cards to start falling on my mat......................gough.........splutter..........gasp..........sneeze, Oh my goodness, now I will have to clean that screen...........................tomorrow.

Part two [Yawn]

Morning you two, said Trixielips, where are you off to? we are going to the sales, wanna come with us.

Hello, said Pipkin, we were going off to dungelms, Bloomin says there is a load of gingham fabric in today, so we wanted to get some to make more bunnies, puppies and boots.

Ok, lackie said, we will come with you, but you must remember not to push and shove Bloomin you can get a bit carried away.

Oooh, eck Ya riht ya know, aye can at that my lovie, aye can at that.

Why are you speaking like that Bloomin, said Pipkin!

Dunno said Bloomin, I thought because I'm from Yorkshire I had to! [reads script again].

Ahem, Oh dear you are so right, one can get a tad over zealous when perusing the merchandise, cant one.

Why are you now talking all posh, said Pipkin, puzzled!

It Say's here [looking at script again] speaks in nice accent, posh is a nice accent isn't it?

Yeah said Pipkin, but that's all "Joanna Lubblyish" and it really is not you, Bloomin.......................

Cut, says the director, Come on Girls, get away from the mobile canteen, Lackie put that sausage sarnie back you have had three this morning, Trixie get your eye of that young man's booty, get back to work the pair of you.

Take Two.............................. and ...................action, said the director.............................

Ok, Lackie said, we will come with you, but you must remember not to push and shove Bloomin, you can get a bit carried away.

Ok, said Bloomin, umf.

Just as the girls got to Dungelms, Lackie got all excited, Look Look, It says, Knobs two for a pound, that's a bargain must go and look, hold on said trixie I just remembered we have all forgotten today is an important day, how could we all forget!

Forget what said Pipkin and Bloomin in unison, Oh No said Luckynicks Its Mollymops Birthday today, how could we have forgotten, quick lets all go get her a pressie.

CUT.............Said the director, that's not in the script, what if people look on this bloggie blog blog tomorrow, it wont be Mollymops Birthday then will it.

All the girls looked at the director and scowled, don't be silly Director person, when Mollymops knows she is in this scene she WILL come in and leave a comment and then we will be Famous, think of the ratings.

Just then they hear an sound that sends Chills down each of their spines......................

Coooeeeee you lot what are you all doing here?

Bloomin, Pipkin, Trixielips, and Lasticnicks, look round in horror.

What are you all doing here?

All looking flushed and shocked they replied Hello..............................................................

"The Flight of the Shabbychic-ers"

"The flight of the Shabbychic-ers"
The story unfolds

There is a sudden downpour and Lacy nicks looks out of a gingham draped window in despair, after a week of being couped up re-covering a full set of 22 chairs and a foldaway Ikea table, she sighs, nothing is going right, "this is to much" she tells herself, "How will I ever get to the boot sale in this weather" a knock brings her out of her reverie, opening her front door she See's her old friend Trixilixie, "Hi Lackie" trixie drops her sopping wet coat on the newly sanded and polished hall floor, floating into the kitchen she switches on the new coffee grinding machine [£52 in Argros] that lackie legs picked up from eway for 27p, pulling a habigat mug from the habigat mug tree, she made them both a steaming hot coffee, "Cheer up Lackie" trixie tries to bring her friend out of her sullen mood, "Nezt has a home sale on" Hearing this great news and knowing that the Nezt sale is a wonder of the seven sales, she is immediately transported to a place she hasn't visited for many moons, "come on girl, get a wriggle on" we only have 7 days left, says triixielips.
But Lackie is stuck in time, searching for an image long ago put aside, suddenly its back in a flash, "I have to find my Nezt voucher" she hurried to the newly decorated [in Lauren Ashby newest colours] under the stair closet, pulled out the basket where all her memories of Full fat laite's and cream doughnuts are kept hidden from all but her eyes.
Picking through the receipts of long gone promises, she finds the golden ticket to true happiness, a £5 gift voucher for Marks & Expensive she says in a happy tone, that she has not been able to use all week, "Look see, trixiechops, B*gger Nezt, lets go splurge out with Marks & Expensive" so forgetting her golden ticket of true happiness she settles for the ninth wonder of the material world.
Just as they were hurrying to Lackies car [they would have taken trixiepits but she was having a service done that day] they spied there new bestest friends, "Hi Bloomin Myrtle, Hi Pipkin, Where are you two going....................................................

And the winner is.............Raspberry Grace............Yeah, well done Rasp.............you won the billion year old Teapot.

Go Rasp Go Rasp Go Rasp *dancing round the room knocking stuff over at random*

You know what to do, Send me a pm over on Shabby chic or leave it here, I don't mind, but if you do I cant be held responsible for all the nutters that may or may not send you all sorts of rubbish and stuff that you really wouldn't want to get, think of your poor postman trying to fill his sack up each morning that is going to be well full to bursting with junk mail indispersed with bank statements and fliers from the local Curry house, pizza parlour, dog groomers etc, and what about auntie Mabel's letter that she only writes once a year as her arty ritis wont allow anymore than that, it may get lost in a hallway full of letters newspapers and yellow pages not to mention the local advertiser, that nobody wants or reads, why do they do that! if I wanted a paper I would buy a blimmin paper I don't want them slung on me mat every week and do you know they use child labour to disperse the local rag, £5 squid a thousand, its cruel! that's what it is, cruel.

Anyhow whatever is fine with me.
Bless you dear Rasp. MWAH